Are Women Walking Over You And Dominating You?
By Tyler on May 30, 2008 in Confidence
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I like being nice. I like thinking that I’m a nice person. Sometimes I do nice things for others. I was brought up to be nice.
Many guys think the same way that I do. But there is one difference between me and you.
I don’t let women or any other person for that matter walk all over me and dominate me.
That’s the biggest problem that nice guys have. It’s also very interesting. When you don’t let a woman walk over you she usually feels more attracted to you and respects you allot more.
She will test your boundaries.
She will try to see how far she can go and how much you will put up with.
You have to make certain that within the first few minutes she knows that your not one of those nice guys she can push around.
You can bet that she will say something or do something that will put you to the test.
Her: Will you hold my purse?
You: I don’t hold purses.
(Shows her that you won’t baby her or turn into a wimp by standing in public holding her purse.)
Her: Will you buy me a drink?
You: Only if you buy me one.
(This shows her that you aren’t like other guys. She has to play on a level playing field with you.)
Her: Your such a nerd.
You: Thank you.
(Taking her insult as a compliment. Nerds are smart and run many of todays businesses.)
Her: Your going to have to leave now. My friend needs that chair.
You: No. I have to go now. I might see you around later.
(Leaving on your own terms instead of hers. After all you could always grab another chair.)
Use what you have learned here the next time you are out meeting women. I guarantee women will stop pushing you around.
Kenji | Jun 3, 2008 | Reply
On your point of “I am a nice guy but girls don’t like me” how exactly would you advise someone who is indeed a very nice guy and all, but has had every girl he’s ever dated cheat on him get the confidence to find a girlfriend, without getting attached to her too quickly or getting overly emotional when he can’t talk to her for a day or two?
My buddy is a tough guy and I think all the girls he dated wanted that tough guy image and when they found a nice guy underneath they split because the illusion was gone, how should I advise him that all the girls he dated wanted his image and how to help him find a girl that is not looking for his image but who he really is?
- Kenji
Tyler | Jun 3, 2008 | Reply
That’s interesting question Kenji. I have a friend who says every woman he has been nice to cheated on him. He eventually learned that lesson on his own. He now says every woman I treat like crap wants to stay with me. Of course he doesn’t really treat them poorly. All he does is treat them more like real people.
One of the things your friend needs to do is date more then one woman at a time. He is putting too much of his feelings into one woman too fast. Thats one way to stop becoming overly attached to a woman too soon. You also need to be busy with your hobbies, dreams, and goals. Dating is only one part of your life.
It sounds like once a woman is attracted to him he tries to rush things into a relationship. Once he does this he puts on the nice guy image. In other words he changes. She doesn’t like those changes. Those changes are not congruent with the first impression that she got from him.
Your friend might want to try qualifying women so that he is more likely to get what he wants.
He can do this by making statements and seeing how she responds.
If he likes women who cuddle then he can say something like this.
“I like women who like to lay around and cuddle.”
Then you see how she responds to that statement. If she doesn’t meet some of his needs then he will need to date more women.
kenji | Jun 3, 2008 | Reply
I agree that my friend should treat a girl more like a person and less like this ‘trophy on a pedistol’. Not that he objectifies women, but that he views them as ‘goddesses’ and less like ‘friends’.
I dunno bout dating more than one girl at a time, he does wrap himself around her finger too fast, but having multiple-girlfriends might not help the situation. I do agree however, that he needs to not focus all of his attention into women, but he doesn’t have much to focus on. He’s 19, a super-super-senior in High School and doesn’t really have a job.
Unfortunately I don’t think you get what I mean by the tough guy image. He is honestly a shy, self-loathing, kind, gentle, and sweet guy. But to protect himself from being hurt he emanates this persona of a tough-macho-dude. When a girl falls in love with that persona he shows to the public, she gets disappointed when she finds out his private persona of a gentleman. Usually staying with him until she finds someone better. You are right that he changes, but he doesn’t put the nice guy image on, he shows who he really is.
I am very grateful as always of your input, but I think you misunderstood what I meant in regards to him. He DOES NOT have a girlfriend and has problems talking with girls because he believes he is always failing.
I will try to help him do as you suggested and not spoil the girl rotten the second she says “I like you”, he should buy her stuff but only if he gets something honest in return. So far I can see that he buys a girl stuff in hopes of keeping her as his girlfriend. The gold-digger problem. He is a very charming and sweet guy when it comes to his words but as you have mentioned before he is TOO nice and gets walked on.
Thanks again!
Tyler | Jun 3, 2008 | Reply
He doesn’t need to have more then 1 girlfriend at a time. He just needs to date more then 1 woman casually at a time. This stops him from investing too much into one woman too fast. He can even be upfront and tell the women he is dating more then 1 woman at a time. That way he doesn’t have to feel guilty about it and the women he dates will know he is honest.
The macho thing has to stop because it is an act. The too nice thing has to stop too. He needs to focus on giving her a fun experience before buying her gifts or getting to cute with his words.
He needs to get some hobbies too. I know he is still young, but it will help him out allot. He can gain allot of confidence from other activities and carry it over to his dating life.
His belief that he is failing is maybe his biggest problem. I might have to write a future blog post on it.