We often hear that women want men who are confident and are attracted to men who are confident. But what does is actually mean to be more confident? It really is a very generic statement. I would even say that its terrible advice.

If I told a man who is a hundred pounds over weight, has bad skin, and is butt ugly to be more confident, do you think he would know what I mean? The odds are he wouldn’t become more confident just because I told him to. He wouldn’t know what to do, or know how to behave around women to convey that he is indeed a confident man.

Confidence is something that varies from one thing to another. That big ugly guy might be a really good computer programmer. If I asked him to make me a program he could probably do it with ease and confidence. He’s really good at it and he knows what he is capable of doing. What this big guy needs to do is transfer that same feeling of confidence that he gets from programming over to his dating life.

Confidence is really a feeling and a state of mind. When you believe in your skills you don’t over think anything. You simply know what you need to do without even thinking about it. Some guys have that ability with women while others don’t. I’m going to guess that you probably don’t.

So how do you get to that point where you can attract women without even thinking about it? Lets take a look at how that can be done. I’m going to warn you that it can be a painful process.

When it comes to women there are two things that are going to happen.

1. You will communicate to a woman that you want her approval.
2. You will communicate to a woman that you don’t need her approval.

Most men communicate to a woman that he needs her approval. This is what makes you look needy, desperate, and unattractive. But its not just the things that you do. Its the way you talk to yourself in your head. This inner talk effects your behavior. This is when you start to look nervous, shaky, and your voice sounds weak. You start to send out negative energy and vibes. Women can pick this up from a mile away. There really damn good at it.

You want to get to the point where you can at least show a woman that you don’t need her approval. You don’t need to have unbelievable confidence to make this work. It is okay to show some vulnerability and nervousness. The woman herself will show some of those things when she is attracted to you. Its perfectly normal to get a little nervous and it will make you look like a real person. It can even help lower her defenses because she won’t fear you being a player. It can even be romantic to see this charming man standing before her getting a little weak in her presence. Its a great compliment to a woman.

The first thing you need to do is not focus on showing weakness. The more you try and talk to yourself about not being nervous the more nervous you will end up getting. That’s just the way it is. You will amplify the problem more by thinking about it then you will by ignoring it.

So if your thinking:

- Act calm.
- Be cool.
- Stay relaxed.
- Stop those shaky hands.
- What do I say to her?

Then you are going to make things even worse.

Sometimes you need to re-frame things as they go through your mind.

Be cool –> I’m really cool
Stay relaxed –> I’m already relaxed.
Stop those shaky hands –> My hands are steady as a rock.
What do I say to her –> I’m going over to say hi.

Whenever you do something or say something you need to ask yourself why I’m doing it.

I’m going buy her a drink. Why? Because it seems like a nice thing to do and guys are suppose to do it. This of course is wrong. You don’t need to buy a woman a drink. By having a normal conversation with her and flirting you will be better then most men. Most men can’t even maintain a normal conversation or flirt with her anyways.

Here are some more examples.

In this example a woman will try to test you. She will try to see how you respond to her comments on your shoes.

Her: I don’t like your shoes. You should be wearing something nicer then that to a club like this.
You: You probably wouldn’t like my underwear either.

This shows the woman that you don’t care about her comment on your shoes. It also shows her that you don’t take life to seriously. Women will test you like this just to see how confident you really are. They do it without even knowing it.

The wrong way of handling this would be to get defensive. Calling her names or trying to prove yourself will only make you look weak. Changing your shoes would be crazy. These are the things that most men would do. These are approval seeking behaviour.

Here is one more examples.

Her: I can’t believe how hairy your chest is. Why don’t you shave that stuff off?
You: Are you kidding? I’m going to dye it pink and give it a perm. I love my chest hair.

There is allot more to becoming a more confident man. But that stuff works like a charm. It does take some practice. You may even blurt out something really goofy some of the time. That stuff is just part of the process. With experience you will get good at it and you wont care what the woman thinks of you. Once you get to that point you will be able to approach women and talk to them without thinking about it.